AP NewsBreak: Rewrite time for National Book Awards: Long list added, pool of judges expanded

AP NewsBreak: Rewrite time for National Book Awards: Long list added, pool of judges expanded

Personal defection from bombardment

I have been talking to my friend Beth about this recently.  Over a month ago I warned everyone that I was no longer going to hold back when someone asked my opinion.  But I had this epiphany this morning.  That not holding back has nothing to do with them and everything to do with getting things off my chest not helping them out per say.  So I take back what I said.  And go the other way.... I am finished offering advice.  I don't have the energy to keep trying to hold the hands after they ignore the advice or say "well I kept asking for advice and no one gave me any" after I talked to them for hours.  I know I have been busy.  I know that I have been so bogged down with my own ick that it is hard to climb out of it --- but when I am there repeatedly for so many no matter what time of the day and night but I can count on one hand the ones that truly know what is going on with my life.... I am out of balance and it ends for me now.

Re-Posting: How the American University was Killed in Five Easy Steps

This is a re-posting of an article that someone blogged about how American Colleges are being destroyed.

How the American University was Killed in Five Easy Steps

Reviews about Ruhl's "The Clean House"

“One of my favorite moments in the play is when Lane, the woman who wants her house cleaned, is imagining her husband with his soul mate (hint: it’s not Lane) and the maid walks in, sees the people Lane is imagining and asks “Who are they?” It’s such a great, theatrical moment, the acknowledgement that we are not looking through a window into the ”real” world, but instead, viewing the realities of our world with new eyes.”

“One of my favorite things about the costuming is the subtle shift in the second half of the play when everyone’s color palette begins to move from the extreme color/lack thereof, to a more moderate and similar place on the scale…except Matilde, who may be the protagonist, but who also seems to facilitate a journey for the other characters rather than taking one of her own.”

Works Cited

dramachicks. "Views and Reviews: THE CLEAN HOUSE by Sarah Ruhl." dramachicks. August 2, 2012 2012.Web. <http://dramachicks.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/views-and-reviews-the-clean-house-by-sarah-ruhl/>.

On a personal note, I really understood this play.  I read it and picked up the nuances and the subtle pieces that Ruhl was trying to point us towards.  So, when I read the reviews I was looking to see if the reviewer was looking at the surface of the play and ignoring all of the rest.  I wanted to know whether or not they were just tossing something onto the page (print or web) because they had to or were told to. 

            With my first pick I read the wordpress blog by dramachicks.  I was not disappointed.  I immediately knew that she “got” what Ruhl was trying to accomplish.  Admittedly, the author of the blog is a huge Ruhl fan, but that does not take away from her deep understanding of what Ruhl wanted with “The Clean House”.  The two quotes from the review above speak to the deep meaning of the play and the deeper understanding of the blog author.  She didn’t just see a funny play, she saw a play with a story with a fable and allegory and the romances of the heart, life, and spirit mixed in.  I agree with the thoughts of the author and I applaud her understanding and critique of the play.

“And yet thanks to the alchemical imagination of Sarah Ruhl, the gifted author of “The Clean House,” this strange grab bag of ideas and images, together with some more exotic ingredients, magically coheres to form one of the finest and funniest new plays you’re likely to see in New York this season.”

“But this peculiarity epitomizes a fundamental message of Ms. Ruhl’s odd and enchanting play: We may never come to a full understanding of the jokes life plays, but the wisest and possibly noblest response is to have a good laugh anyway.”

Works Cited

Isherwood, Charles. "Always Ready with a Joke, if Not a Feather Duster." The New York Times, sec. Arts: Theater: 31 Oct 2006. Print.

            However, when I saw the New York Times listed as one of the potential review sites I was intrigued because I wanted to see what a “well respected” and “highly esteemed” newspaper thought of the play.  I was really disappointed. 

            If I read this review and never read the play or saw the play I would think it was merely a fluffy comedy without substance.  In a time period in my life where I am pinching pennies and my entertainment budget is very small I have to be choosy with what I am spending it on.  I would not have gone to see this play based on this review.

            This reviewer does nothing for Ruhl’s writing or this particular play.  His comments about Ruhl are flippant at best; his words about her writing are the equivalent of patting her on the head and saying, “oh nice play sweetie now go play with your toys while the adults really write plays”.  I was insulted on Ruhl’s behalf.  He didn’t review the play either.  He glossed over it, he failed to convey that there was something deeper, something more in this play.  He failed to share with his readers that this play will leave you with conversation starters and mental self-awareness conversations. 

            His use of “strange” “grab bag” “magically” “odd” seem especially out of place in a serious review.  His last few lines are his attempt at making some far reaching message that the rest of his review fail to live up to. 

            He spends more time praising the actors of the play then actually telling anyone about the play.  If I was going to New York City as a tourist and wanted to find a show or two to catch, after reading this review I would not pick “The Clean House” and I would be missing something great, just like Mr. Isherwood has.

The Book Cave

Hey yall when I am sneaking around on Facebook (ya know when I should be doing homework) you can find me and the rest of the ladies over at The Book Cave... come and join us.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Book-Cave/243978118975177

Kiss the Dead by Laurell K Hamilton - Review

Kiss the Dead is book 21 in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series by author Laurell K Hamilton.  This book is a step forward in the life of Anita and a definite step in the right direction for the fans of the series.  For the past several years there was loud discontent with the series; it had changed so much and become something loyal fans couldn’t understand.  The change in the direction of the series began to flare up in the legions of fans of the series.  Where was the Anita Blake the fans loved?  Where was the woman who looked into the face of Death and merely smiled?  Where was the Executioner?

There was a moment in the series where the books wandered away from the Anita the readers met back at the beginning.  She became something the ardeur controlled and that is the moment that some of the fans got upset.  She wasn't this hardcore, no nonsense, powerful woman - she had turned into this woman controlled completely by her libido.  That was when it was hard to read.  I am a die-hard fan of this series.  I have bought each book in hardcover. I stuck with it through the time where even I was shaking my head wondering what was happening.  BUT ever since the end of The Harlequin I began to hope again.  

The next three were iffy but Bullet had me again.  It was then I saw Anita back again.  And in Bullet, she truly started questioning who she was, what she was, and ultimately at the end of the day who she wanted to be to those around her.  That is when I began to smile again reading the series.  She was growing up, she was changing, and it was only the changes that could come from growing, maturing, and full self-actualization as a person and a woman.  

Kiss the Dead is far away from the books in the middle of the series, the ones which had fans questioning their loyalty to the series.  Kiss the Dead is the book Hamilton needed to write for Anita, for the fans, and maybe even for herself.  There comes a time in a long series where the main character (the protagonist for you literary folks) MUST grow and change.  If they don't the series becomes stale, tired, and ultimately conversations ensue beginning with "...well I loved the series until book number [insert number] and then it went so far off the rails and it was the same stuff over and over and they didn't change or learn anything from all of the other books, it's too bad, it used to be amazing..."

An author never wants their books not evolve.  The readers grow up, they grow with the series, and if the storyline remains the same, the readers will grow AWAY from the series.

Hamilton "returns" to the kick ass woman readers met in Circus of the Damned, but this is the older, smarter, and more self-aware version of Anita Blake.  This is the Anita her fans have been waiting for:  the Matriarch of St. Louis - the role she has been gearing up for from the very first book 

Linda Sands: Quickfire Interview: 10 Writers, 10 Questions

In May I answered questions posted by Author Linda Sands...

Here is the link to interview questions I answered:  Heather Houston

I am the last of the 10 authors at the bottom.

25 Handy Words That Simply Don't Exist in English (reposting from another blog)

I loved this article so much I am reposting it here.  I would have just linked it but we are are two different Blog sites and I am simply not smart enough to figure out how to post one blog to another.

Original Blog Posting

Approximately 375 million people speak English as their first language, in fact it’s the 3rd most commonly spoken language in the world (after Mandarin Chinese and Spanish). Interestingly enough it’s the number 1 second language used worldwide – which is why the total number of people who speak English, outnumber those of any other.

But whilst it’s the most widely spoken language, there’s still a few areas it falls down on (strange and bizarre punctuation rules aside). We look at 25 words that simply don’t exist in the English langauge (and yet after reading this list, you’ll wish they did!)

1 Age-otori (Japanese): To look worse after a haircut

2 Arigata-meiwaku (Japanese): An act someone does for you that you didn’t want to have them do and tried to avoid having them do, but they went ahead anyway, determined to do you a favor, and then things went wrong and caused you a lot of trouble, yet in the end social conventions required you to express gratitude

3 Backpfeifengesicht (German): A face badly in need of a fist

4 Bakku-shan (Japanese): A beautiful girl… as long as she’s being viewed from behind

5 Desenrasçanço (Portuguese): “to disentangle” yourself out of a bad situation (To MacGyver it)

6 Duende (Spanish): a climactic show of spirit in a performance or work of art, which might be fulfilled in flamenco dancing, or bull-fighting, etc.

7 Forelsket (Norwegian): The euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love

8 Gigil (pronounced Gheegle; Filipino): The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute

9 Guanxi (Mandarin): in traditional Chinese society, you would build up good guanxi by giving gifts to people, taking them to dinner, or doing them a favor, but you can also use up your gianxi by asking for a favor to be repaid

10 Ilunga (Tshiluba, Congo): A person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time

11 L’esprit de l’escalier (French): usually translated as “staircase wit,” is the act of thinking of a clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it

12 Litost (Czech): a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery

13 Mamihlapinatapai (Yaghan): A look between two people that suggests an unspoken, shared desire

14 Manja (Malay): “to pamper”, it describes gooey, childlike and coquettish behavior by women designed to elicit sympathy or pampering by men. “His girlfriend is a damn manja. Hearing her speak can cause diabetes.”

15 Meraki (pronounced may-rah-kee; Greek): Doing something with soul, creativity, or love. It’s when you put something of yourself into what you’re doing

16 Nunchi (Korean): the subtle art of listening and gauging another’s mood. In Western culture, nunchi could be described as the concept of emotional intelligence. Knowing what to say or do, or what not to say or do, in a given situation. A socially clumsy person can be described as ‘nunchi eoptta’, meaning “absent of nunchi”

17 Pena ajena (Mexican Spanish): The embarrassment you feel watching someone else’s humiliation

18 Pochemuchka (Russian): a person who asks a lot of questions

19 Schadenfreude (German): the pleasure derived from someone else’s pain

20 Sgriob (Gaelic): The itchiness that overcomes the upper lip just before taking a sip of whisky

21 Taarradhin (Arabic): implies a happy solution for everyone, or “I win. You win.” It’s a way of reconciling without anyone losing face. Arabic has no word for “compromise,” in the sense of reaching an arrangement via struggle and disagreement

22 Tatemae and Honne (Japanese): What you pretend to believe and what you actually believe, respectively

23 Tingo (Pascuense language of Easter Island): to borrow objects one by one from a neighbor’s house until there is nothing left

24 Waldeinsamkeit (German): The feeling of being alone in the woods

25 Yoko meshi (Japanese): literally ‘a meal eaten sideways,’ referring to the peculiar stress induced by speaking a foreign language

Things that made me happy this week....

Things that made me happy this week:

- Ben and Jerry's new frozen Greek yogurt in the raspberry with chocolate flavor 
- my brother graduating from college 
- receiving my final financial aid letter from school knowing I only need half the aid because I will be done in December 
- talking with some amazing women (either online, on the phone, or text) and knowing they are my friends (sisters really) 
- watching my mom come through with her head up and knowing I inherited that from here, thank you mom 
- a secret crush 
- noting all of the amazing things that Wyatt has learned in the past year since we moved 
- our new house (thank you Mr. and Mrs. Blair, it is beautiful) 
- cleaning the inside of the truck today 
- not just letting go of some hurts but actually writing them completely OUT of my way 
- finding a photographer on Fb whose work takes my breath away (see my most recent like, A B Pan Photography), and getting her permission to change out my page photo to one of hers 
- the sun, thank you for finally coming back


There are more but this was simply the ones I thought of in under 2 minutes

The way I critique

            I am a voracious reader.  I have books all over my house, in my car, at my son’s school, and pretty much anywhere I would be set down for a while with nothing to do.  I even carry my nook around when I can’t take five or 6 physical books.  I love movies; I enjoy the richness of them and the imagery that goes into making them amazing to the eye and engaging to the mind.

            When I was younger I had a really hard time reading.  Comprehension was miserable for me.  I couldn’t get any of it straight in my head.  I could read it and read it again and still not get it.  It took long hard work for me to finally unlock whatever it was in my mind I needed to be able to read and remember what was there.

            I write.  I am working very hard to write (and rewrite) my novels.  When I am doing this I take notes of everything going into the scenes – from the Navy Blue Ford F150 to the red geraniums on the porch to the canary yellow nail polish someone is wearing.  I am anal about the details.  I don’t want to write about the Navy Blue Ford F150 and then 60 pages later or in the next book have it be the Hunter Green Ford F150 (that is of course unless the character buys a new one or has it painted).

            So when I read books or watch movies, I am watching for those types of gaffs.  It is not a conscious thing I do, it simply happens. When I read someone’s critic of a movie, a book, a synopsis, or a critical analysis and their details are not accurate to what was written or shown I will point it out.  I am not doing so to be mean; I am doing so because I want that person to be the best they can be, to write the best books, to make the best movies. 

            I have read reviews, blogs, and comment threads where fans have complained about a writer who made an error (such as the changing color of the Ford above) and it has enraged them.  The author usually has to come out and explain yeah it was a mistake or ugh, the change occurred in a scene that was cut or edited out which is why there was no explanation.

            So if you change the color of the truck, the name of a character, the location of their hometown, or move something in a scene between different takes I will call you on it.  I want the very best, I want to give the best, and I want others to give their best as well. This is part of my critique technique. 

I have been called on the carpet for my own writing.  I had a series of short stories; there were seven or eight parts which came out separately.  In part three or four of the series I changed the name of one of the tertiary characters by mistake.  My ‘inbox’ lit up like the holiday tree in Rockefeller Center.  The comments ranged from polite “hey I think you made a mistake” to the downright nasty “you wrote this s*** and can’t keep your own f****** characters straight, what kind of dumbf***** are you”.  I had to go back; I had to revise the part where I had the names incorrect and reissue that part.  I also apologized to those that had read it because it was in fact my mistake.  I didn’t see it when I wrote it nor when I proofed it (editor didn’t see it either but it was my original mistake).

I read a book by a popular author last summer, in the book the main character leaves California and travels into Arizona on a major interstate.  Now for reference I have lived in Arizona for 8 of the last 15 years of my life on and off, further I am a former truck driver, so I have been over those roads many times.  When I saw the mistake in the book it was jarring.  It literally took me right out of the story because of my personal knowledge.  I emailed the author and explained the mistake.  I wrote the scene the way they had and then pointed out using turn by turn directions how the character would have had to travel and the ones in the writing were simply not correct.  The author thanked me profusely in email.  It could have gone the other way, the author could have been pissed or claimed ‘license’.

So what does all of this mean?  Well it’s simple really.  If you change the color of someone’s truck, the color of the flowers that have sat outside of their house for 20 years, the color of their nail polish that they are known for, or their profession I will call you on it.  I consider people in my classes (because I am almost at the end and taking pretty much only heavy writing classes, workshops, or LIT classes) to be my current and future colleagues.  I view those already published as my future colleagues.  I expect the same in return.  If I change a color, a length, a height, something that I didn’t explain to the readers or viewers then I want to know; I don’t want those types of mistakes to take my ‘fans’ out of the story.  If I have their attention I don’t want to lose it over something I can control.

If my way of doing this bothers some, well I apologize, but I will not change.  I will word my comments politely and unemotionally, but I will not stop them.

Vaccines for Children

I believe I will loose what little mind I have left if I hear of one more parent not vaccinating their child.

Lemme see if I can help you out:

My son has crappy lungs (insert the nods from his medical team from AZ that knows this all too well).  He is susceptible to all kinds of extra crap because of this, the regular cold for him is not regular, it could very well end up being a hospital stay.

Two weeks ago in the middle of the night, my little boy was put on a helicopter and flown to a bigger hospital because he had picked up RSV (a nasty HORRIBLE virus) - but, he didn't have to get it.  The insurance company won't pay for it anymore, they say according to their charts, graphs etc that he should have grown out of being in the danger category for this.  They didn't want to pay for the shot anymore.

Hmmmm so let me see:

One shot:  $2500 (according to the bill I used to get from the drug company)

VERSUS (the cost of the following)

ER visit
Admittance to the floor of the local hospital
all medications given
all blood work drawn
helicopter ambulance ride to a bigger hospital in the middle of the night (four man team, fuel, etc - I am sure John and Jennifer would be able to give a good estimate of how much that little trip cost)
oxygen in route
admittance to the PICU
medicines administered
blood tests and swab tests
extra breathing medicines
breathing machines
8 days in the PICU
all of the little extras, boxes of gloves, masks, gowns, etc

My best guess on the estimated cost of this little trip:  $100,000 (and that is conservative)

now... this was RSV, a nasty horrible bug all by itself - the potential for this virus to kill a child like my Wyatt with all of his problems - pretty damn high

now, what if this had been something that I had him vaccinated for, what if I had opted to NOT have him vaccinated for say polio... or better yet... small pox... or German measles... something that 'we' have had vaccines for 50 years (give or take)

What if the difference between my currently being sleepless because he is clinging to me after 10 days of being super duper sick and me sitting in a funeral home directors office making arrangements for his wake and burial was ONE OF THESE VACCINES???? I have read the literature, the studies, the reports - but here is my stance, I would rather deal with the potential after effect of the shot then have to bury my son because some bug we killed 50 years ago took him from me.

In the same breath, if you don't want to vaccinate your kids - fine, then keep them home, keep them with you, and keep them away from my son, my nephew and other children that I care about - because heaven help you if your unvaccinated child gets one of them sick or takes one of them away from me (and their family)

GoodReads.com

I am also on goodreads.com

Goodreads Profile: H.Houston (DoubleHHouston)

Library Thing

If you are a member of Library Thing, you can keep up with me over there as well:

Heather Houston Library Thing Profile

Leap Day

I was reading a Facebook posting about a stay at home mom raising four children.  She is homeschooling them and the youngest has autism.  Apparently, her sister-in-law sent a package to her house which contained gifts for all of her children, except the one with autism.  When her husband called to ask his sister if she forget to include the gift to their little one, the sister replied, "No, I didn't send one.  They have autism.  They aren't going to know they didn't get one."  To say I was disgusted was an understatement.

The author of the Facebook page asked for people to write a blurb so that they could send it to this 'sister' to show her how incredibly hurtful it is for her to have done.  I wrote a blurb.

My little boy is going to be three years old in two weeks.  I am terrified to have a party for him, for people to come over and give him presents.  Christmas was so terribly hard on him it broke my heart.   You see my little boy has autism (and some heavy duty sensory problems), so sometimes it is so much it takes me weeks to decompress him from the ‘noise’ that invades his head.  

He knows everything.  He can sense it.  I can see it in his face.  His heart is so big and so loving that I am utterly devastated when he is treated differently by my family and people in town.  He is too loud (he doesn’t talk, so he makes noises), he doesn’t like to play like other kids, he doesn’t eat food like a ‘normal little boy’, and the list goes on of things I hear.    I tried to make excuses for them, they just didn’t understand but I refuse to.  I refuse to allow their intolerance and ignorance hurt my little boy’s heart and soul.

I am so incredibly proud of my baby.  I am his biggest fan and cheerleader.  And I will never allow someone’s ignorance or stupid behavior to hurt him because they don’t hear the music that he moves to.

HH, mother of a boy with autism

My little boy's birthday is coming up.  I don't know what to do about it.  He did not handle Christmas well at all.  It was simply too much for him.  My mother asked me about it the other day and I can't seem to get her to understand all of the problems that come with something like this.

I don't know, I still don't know how do handle it.

I am sending a children's story to a friend of mine who does illustration (he is amazing).  I want to see what he does with it.  I think it would make for a really wonderful children's book.  I would want someone to read my Wyatt books like this.

Bringing Up Yogi

Bringing Up Yogi

The Oscars

Tonight I watched the Oscars.

I know, it's silly but I just love them.  for one night it's pretty and vibrant.  I am transported there to watch and be amazed.  I love the gowns and the set up.

I LOVED the Cirque du Soleil's performance in the show.  It was so wonderful to just watch.

The tribute to those the academy had lost in the past year was beautiful.  I think that song they use (What a Wonderful World) brings tears to my eyes when I hear it.

I was not shocked about which movies or actors won.  I was proud that many who actually deserved it won and not just 'the names'.

I enjoyed watching the shock on Meryl Streep's face when she won.

I loved Sandra Bullock's gown.

I smile seeing the men growing older and more distinguished with time.

For one night, I let go of the things I cannot change and slip into the fantasy of what if with everyone watching.

Separate Vacations: Link to a blog on separate vacations for families with an autistic child

I was linked to this posting by a friend of mine on Facebook.

I think this absolutely speaks to the different world that parents of a child with autism live in.

The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism: Separate Vacations

YouTube Video: Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of "Eat, Pray, Love"

I found this video incredibly moving and inspiring.  I think it is important for any writer to watch this video and really soak in what she is saying - what she is trying to get us to understand.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

~H

Jennifer Ashley - Author

Jennifer Ashley is a NYT best-selling author.  She has several books written under Jennifer Ashley, Allyson James (pen name), and Ashley Gardner (pen name).

I looked to see if she had a presence on Facebook because I fell in love with her Shifters Unbound series.  Ms. Ashley has a personal Facebook profile simply listed under her name (http://www.facebook.com/JenniferAshleyAllysonJames) and a Facebook page listed under her name and one of her pen names (http://www.facebook.com/JenniferAshleyAllysonJamesAshleyGardner).

Her list of friends on her profile is almost at the 5000 mark that Facebook has imposed as their limit for profiles.  She roughly has 2,700 'likes' on her page.

Sometimes the information that she posts on the profile is not posted on the page and vice versa.  Ms. Ashley is very active on both her profile and her page.  She is accessible to her fans and always more than willing to answer questions about her books, her series, when new material is coming out and if drop dates are being changed.

But she does something else, something that keeps me coming back to her pages and something that will keep me as a fan for life:  she allows us to see into her life.  When she is sick - she tells us, when her day goes to the dogs - she tells us, when she is elated over something - she tells us.  She understands not only the need for her to continue writing but the desire of her fans to 'know' her, to relate to her on a personal level, and to feel as if they matter to her.

She offers ARCs (advanced reader copies) to her fans in the forms of contests.  (I was the winner of an ARC before Christmas to the newest Shifters Unbound novel and I was over the moon when I received it.)  She hosts contests for previous books, she lowers the cost of her nook books at times to give those her support her in the electronic forms to also feel appreciated.

At times I feel bad for her trying to make sure that she keeps up on her Facebook presence and write her books.  But I don't think she would be the author (woman and friend) that she is without bringing her fans along for the ride in her Facebook profile and page.

***********************************************************************************

NOTE:  I have Ms. Ashley's expression permission to have made this blog entry for a college class assignment.   A copy of the permission is available if there is a need to verify the information.

Personal PS. Thanks Jennifer for understanding.

I have spent most of my life battling my weight.  I have tried diets that have not worked over the years and if much of the literature is correct, did more damage then good by losing weight and then regaining it.

I have been taking the steps and going through the process to have bariatric surgery.  I know that it is the best thing for me to do with my situation.  I wouldn't recommend it for everyone but there are some major benefits to it.

During the process of getting ready for this surgery I found out that I have severe obstructive sleep apnea - essentially I stop breathing A LOT during the night enough where it is extremely dangerous.  I ended up with a CPAP that makes sleeping easier.

However, I have found out recently, my son is afraid of the CPAP mask and when I wear it if he climbs into bed with me in the middle of the night he helps mommy - by taking it off of my face.  Super counter productive.  The program requires that I wear the CPAP a certain percentage of time, because lil man keeps taking it off my face it has skewed my percentage. (insert frowning face)

As part of the getting ready for surgery I had to also have an EKG of my heart.  The tech looks at me yesterday and says, "do you know you have a heart arrhythmia?" Yes, yes I did. We found that out one day while simply listening to my heart in the doctors office.

But the coup de grace of the entire thing:  now we are running blood work for PCOS.  Because MOST of my health problems may in fact be linked to having PCOS.

*forehead - palm - forehead - palm*

I want to stand on top of a large building and scream at the top of my lungs, "You mean to tell me that if we had known that I had PCOS when I was in my 20s then some if not all of what has gone wrong in the last five years health-wise could have been avoided?!?!?"